Happy Eggcidents

Listen, we don’t need to sell you on this recipe. It sells itself. Serve it up any which way you like, but if there’s one thing we can offer, its that you make this more than once. It’s eggcelent.

1 Package of firm/extra firm tofu
½ cup celery minced
¼ cup red onion minced
1 cup dill pickle minced or sweet relish
¼ cup vegan mayo
2 Tablespoons dijon
3 Tablespoons yellow mustard
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
1 Tablespoon parsley
1 Tablespoon dill
Celery salt & pepper to taste

Note: use fresh herbs when possible
but dried herbs work well too.
1. If you’re lucky enough to have a tofu press, whip it out. If not press your tofu like in the ancient times using paper towel and heavy shit on top of it. This helps you get a firm less liquidy sal which u will definitely want.

2. Crumble the tofu to your desired “egg” consistency in a large bowl and mix in all of the ingredients.

3. You can serve immediately but I like it best after it has rested in the fridge for a bit. This helps the flavors give a chance to merry all together nicely. 

4. Turn it into a sandwich! Grab yourself some focaccia or other bread of your choice and layer with egg salad and fresh arugula.

Note: Keep in fridge 4-5 days.

Summer 2017.

Truly one of the most productive summers I’ve ever had. I laugh as I say that because I just got done telling you about how much I was crying and walking around like a psychopath. But hey, in my defense, you show me a dodo video or tell me I’m pretty, I’m certain I can make a sweater out of tears, just like Spongebob. So now that I’m thinking about it I would like to redact my judgmental laughter because me crying isn’t anything to be ashamed about. Glad I could sort this out.

Anyway, back to me bragging about my great summer. From June until October every Monday—Friday from 6-10pm I was a part of the Academy at Black Box. For all you investment bankers, lawyers, and accountants etc. I’ll explain Black Box in a moment but first, I would like to let you know that my venmo is @Alex-Nolen and I really appreciate your constant support of the arts.

Ok, back to the story. Black Box is an acting studio in Chicago that focuses on supplying actors with the tools to own their self worth and be fearless. It sounds simple but trust me this program is not for the faint of heart. For 100 days you learn the method, practice the method and truly morph into the most professional and savvy version of yourself. I met amazing people and really challenged myself to say ‘fuck it, I am enough’. Which is a crazy concept right? When you say it out loud it almost sounds ridiculous. But hey, my mind is a fucked up fortress of not always solitude and damn it I deserve the constant reminder...and so do you. Hey, Anol here to say you’re enough.

I digress. Almost nightly I would get out of class around 10-10:30pm, make my way home and do my homework because I worked during the day serving the great American people. I would usually make myself a lil’ snack paired with a glass of alcohol. Then, I’d read a play, memorize my side by doing some punctuation walks (I’ll show you if you ask, it will only cost me my pride) and all the other parts of their process.
One night after having a mental breakdown in class (remember when I said this was the best summer ever) I got home and made myself a tequila grapefruit (heavy on the tequila, light on the grapefruit) and I realized I had nothing but random ingredients in my fridge. A couple slices of bread, a package of tofu, celery, red onion, some pickles and various condiments. Somehow, someway, I managed to make a bowl full of this tofu “egg” sal and I ate the whole thing in my underwear on my bed, which during that time rested on the floor (another story for another time).

Later, it hit me that I just in fact created an Anol Vegan original recipe. Just when it felt like everything was going to shit, I made one of my favorite things.

Whenever I make my tofu “egg” salad now, I listen to happy tunes and visualize myself laugh-crying on my “fuckboy” bed chugging tequila. And I will always be thankful for the summer of 2017.

I’ve shared my playlist to assist you with your tofu “egg” salad making. Each song has a happy memory attached. I encourage you to make your own happy ‘eggcident’ playlist. Please share with us if you do.

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